This feeling sucks .

Hi readers , i believe you guys know i got back with my ex crush . A guy that's in my school and it don't seems to be a news to people because somehow somewhere it just got spread and i completely have no idea why and who exactly did it , but have some names of people in mind that might have done this gossips bout me . Even teachers know about it and know what's the worst part ?

Everyone came asking me how was me and him and they only got the earlier version of it and not the latest one . OH BITCH COME ON . YOU WANT SPREAD AT LEAST COMPLETE THE ENTIRE VERSION . You know how sucks it is to be strong and act like it's not killing me when they asked me about it and what's more I HAVE TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH MYSELF .

I mean why don't you go and ask him but me ?!?! Yeah we ended after we got back together ... And i don't understand why either . I just wanna go back to how things used to be , when i was the first one you text in the morning and the last one you would text at night . I miss that. I miss being important .

I miss when we first met, how we used to do cute things , how we were in a ' Flirtationship ' .

We texted every day , we woke each other up with ' good morning ' texts and went to bed with ' good nights ' calls / texts . We made each other feel better about personal issues , we had pointless arguments on who was cuter or who loved each other more . We'd laugh together , smile together, and just be together , and planning for our future .

You became the person i trusted the most , and my everything , and then suddenly you say we aren't meant for each other . WHAT'S THIS ?! I trusted you with my heart and all you did was to drop it and made it shatter into pieces .

Yes i know you are hurt in your past relationship and so i am , it took me ounce of courage to move on and give up on Danny , i lost hope in love until you came back into my life and make me believe in it again you know ?...The worst part is , no matter how much you don't want me , no matter how hurt i am now , i can't stop thinking about you and how we used to be . You said you wont leave me remember ? And now you decide to forget about me , leave me alone here . What am i suppose to do ? 


You said you would talk to me everyday and now what ? Now you don't even wanna talk to me , no more . Why , what have i don't ? Noting . I trusted you that's all , and you just left me alone forever . That's all i can see . I just can't believe you did this TO ME . You can be such a nice friend and so on but why is it that you are doing this to me when it comes to love . 


You told me you were falling back in love with me again after we got back together . And i made you happy , it was wonderful and happy and perfect and then all of a sudden you weren't sure . I just don't get it . I never thought you are gonna treat me like this ...

May be we had the love at the wrong time , some times no matter how much people want to be together , sometimes things just dont work out. Or may be should i put it this way ? Some people just aren't meant to be together and we are one of them . And that's when my heart breaks . If you're the kind who couldn't possibly care any less that the relationship is over , then good for you ( i guess ) ...


But i'm that kind of people whose world will get shattered into million of pieces , it will be okay i guess . I swear i look so pathetic now , like nothing is right for me at all . Lately i have bee so depressed , yeah i smile . Sometimes . Yeah i laugh , but deep down inside i'm still unhappy and it was horrible , i actually feel so shitty right now .


People are always telling me to smile , like smiling is going to take away all the hurt and pain , well i have tried that . But just so you know , hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in my smiles hurts more ... 

Yeah i don't really know ...

I just don't understand why people can move on so fast , or may be because i'm never good in goodbyes . I really wish i could just turn of my feelings , wish this didn't hurt so much , i feel like all i was was just a play toy , like i wasn't even your friend . Like i was nothing , we was nothing , the happiness was nothing .

It seems to be so easy for you to throw me away and not even thinking twice about it when you made that decision . I wish i didn't have feelings really and wish i was blind so that i don't have to see how well you seems to be without me and all that i saw today , yesterday and last week about you .